Safe and sound in managed isolation in Auckland, New Zealand. Processing the last few months, keeping productive, yearning to get out to hug my friends and family who I haven’t seen in so long. The thought of even hugging! Bliss! Quite strange sitting here and looking out my window into a neighborhood that I remember so well. I’m so close to Mt Albert, the suburb where I grew up. To New Market where I spent so much time socialising as a teenage girl. The Lido cinema where I have had screenings for short films and gone with Mum and Nana to see so many wonderful movies. I spend a lot of my time, looking above my laptop out of this window, watching New Zealanders bounce past, on their way to school, work, their relaxed, mask free faces, happy, free, all re- adjusting back to living their lives in their country that is in such good hands. We have it so so good here. It’s very different to the tense foreheads and fearful flickering eyes in LA nervously circling 6ft around each other. Or not – depending on how serious they are taking the situation or their level of fear. The lack of example from the top filtering down, causing uncertainty, confusion, denial.
I’m going to be honest. When the plane took off at LAX I cried. Wept. Giant tears that soaked into my N95 mask. Tears of relief. Grief. Relieved that soon I will feel safe in my beautiful homeland that I love so much, not lying awake at night riddled with fear and anxiety. But sad to be leaving my love, my apartment, my life, my friends. All doing their best to carry on but in pain. Scared. Confused. Angry. My American friends who are all grieving for their country that is in such a state of chaos and crises. Out of control. America’s pores wide open – this pandemic revealing its pus underneath, it’s deep set racism and systemic flaws. All enraged at their supposed leader doing nothing, saying nothing, no words of comfort or guidance but instead creating hate and division, sulking, fumbling his stubby fingers on twitter. A woman in the row next to me looked at me and nodded. Understanding my tears. I’m sure she mouthed “I get it” underneath her mask.
Deep Breath.
Ok.
The plane ride was comfortable. Air NZ’s, jolly, witty staff doing their best to make sure we feel relaxed and have as much space between us. I was lucky enough to have a whole row to myself. I drunk some New Zealand wine and watched a beautiful film called Waves which I had remembered from being on the same festival circuit as The Wretched. Highly recommend watching it.
Arriving through customs was interesting. The airport was deserted and set up very differently. I remembered a year and half ago when crowds were eagerly waiting for their loved ones to arrive home. I thought of the last time I was here at Christmas in 2018, my mum greeting me, waving and yelling, ‘Amy! Amy!’ And then squeezing me so so tight. The smell of her Samsara perfume, her warm embrace, so happy to have her middle child home from LA for the summer. Another tear falls into my mask. Shit get it together Amy otherwise they might think you have symptoms! I walked through a health check where a friendly woman greeted me with a nice “Kia Ora, Welcome home” then took my temperature, asked me a series of questions about whether or not I have symptoms and if I have interacted with anyone who has tested positive for Covid. I showed her an email with my negative test result that I had taken before I left which she seemed to appreciate. Then she gave me my bus ticket and explained that I would be going into Managed Isolation for two weeks and a booklet about what to expect. There were two more stops before getting on the bus. At the final stop a man with a spreadsheet with all of my information told me that I would be going to the Novotel in Ellerslie. I then walked straight outside and on to the bus. I sat down impressed at how thorough and efficient that all was. Wow! Instantly feel like I am in good hands. Its quite incredible and clear the difference. Good leadership really does matter. I also felt relieved to hear that I will be staying in Auckland. I had heard of some buses going to Rotorua due to all of the hotels being full. Kiwis all coming home where it’s safe. I understand why.
I arrived at the hotel at about 6am. A nice man, a representative from the Ministry of the Heath came onto the bus and gave us a briefing, improvising his own little bits of kiwi humor so show us his personality and make us feel at ease. So much clear communication. I can’t actually believe it. He called the two families with children to exit the bus first, then couples , then singles, to avoid crowds in the foyer while checking in. I got off the bus and felt the fresh New Zealand air on my forehead. I wanted so bad to take my mask off and breath it in. We then waited in line, 6ft from each other and moved through a series of screened windows, checking in, filling out forms etc. I was handed a menu for the week, a NZ SIM card, washing (laundry) vouchers and a welcome to isolation booklet. I was also told I can order groceries from Countdown and take aways (to go’s) from uber eats if I like. I had one more health check with a nurse then was handed my key and directed to my room.
As soon as I arrived at my room I threw my mask onto the bed. It has been almost 15 hours of wearing it straight. The room was small, but tidy and comfortable. I like the grey feature wall and the orange curtains and cushions that matched the Autumn leaves on the ground outside. I unpacked and started setting up my space for the next two weeks. I went to plug in my phone to charge only to remember and realize that I needed a phone adapter. Shit how could I forget that! My laptop was also dead. Whoops. I spoke to the nice man from the bus who said I could have one bought to me but he had to write down exactly what it was on another spreadsheet at reception I quickly called mum to save the day. She said she would come by at 2pm. Ok only 5 more hours. I had only been in the room 30 minutes or so when I heard a knock on the door. I looked out side and there was a brown paper bag with breakfast inside. Scrambled eggs, hash brown, pastries, fruit and yogurt. 15 minutes later there was another knock. A nurse taking my temperature again.
I texted Brett to let him know I was home safe, showered and then lay down. Jet lag kicking in. I stared at the ceiling thinking about what just happened. This incredible time. This incredible situation. This incredible country and its incredible prime minister. I fucking love you Jacinda Arden. I felt lucky and proud to be Kiwi. I took a deep relaxed breath. The blood that I felt rushing through my veins most nights had stopped. I fell into a deep slumber.
I woke up to a loud voice coming over the speaker in my room ! A voice from god saying we were allowed to walk around the premises outside. Oh ok. Thank you! Perfect timing. Mum would be here soon.
I got dressed, put my mask on and ran outside.
Fresh NZ air again! This time I was able to run 100m away in the parking lot, away from everyone and take my mask off for a split second to feel the clean air on my lips. I took four deep breaths then put my mask back on and started to jog around in circles while I waited for mum. I eagerly looked at the cars arriving at the gate. A nice young man named Marvin, eager for human interaction, introduced himself from a distance. He wore a large beautiful whale bone carving around his neck. He asked me if I had just arrived and then told me this was his Day 5. Strangers walked past on the other side of the fence, mask free, eagerly looking in as if we were these weird creatures at a zoo. Looking but not wanting to make eye contact incase we zapped them with our disease.
Mum arrived!!! I jumped up and down and waved aggressively. There was some confusion at the gate about how exactly she drops things off. I had to go wait in the foyer and security bought me the phone adapter, yoga matt and dumbbells. Thanks mum !
A nice lady from the hotel told me that mum had parked on the other side of the fence and she could wave to me from a distance.
I ran outside and saw her waiting there for me.
We waved and air hugged and cried. Again. Lol. So many mixed emotions. I’ve always been the super affectionate one so not being able to physically squeeze mum was rough. I also cry when i’m tired. And also when I’m not I guess.
I told her everything that happened and we dreamed about all the fun things we can do when I’m out! Dinner at a restaurant ! Waiheke Island! Hot pools! Soccer games! Birthday parties! Concerts! Whhhaaattttt! All things I will never take for granted ever again.
We said our goodbyes and she told me she would be back soon to visit. I went back inside to charge my devices then answered all of the curious messages from my Kiwi friends in LA and actually friends from all around the world all thinking about coming home too.
It’s been three days now. It’s actually going by pretty fast. I’m so grateful for all of my friends here in NZ and in America calling me, reaching out all giving me support. I love you all so so much. Big shout out to Catriona who sent me a care package of Batchwell Kombucha! That made my day love! You’re truly wonderful. So far I spend my days writing, thinking, reading, doing yoga, jogging around in small circles outside, having private discos in my room to stay sane, FaceTiming friends, watching the glorious tree change with the light behind outside. My boyfriend Brett would love this tree. Perfect for horror movies. Then ending the day with a nice glass of nz wine at night. It kind of feels a little like what I imagine rehab is like without the group therapy classes. Or like a healing retreat allowing us to rest and prepare to go back into civilization. I’m so incredibly grateful.
My big sister is coming today. I’m excited to wave to her from a distance. I may even put on Jeans.
Private dance party song of the day: Rise up
Amy xox